Monthly Archives: June 2014

RESENTMENT

“RESENTMENT IS LIKE DRINKING POISON AND WAITING FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO DIE.”

Talking about getting rid of resentments and bitterness is easy to say, but very hard to do.  How do you get rid of resentment and anger if that is what you half-full glass of amber-colored beverageare feeling?  We know intellectually that anger adds stress to our lives and that stress is hard on us emotionally and physically.  But doing something about resentment takes a lot of work.

A first step might be to notice any physical symptoms that you have.  Are you suffering with stomach aches, indigestion, headaches, losing sleep, or ??  If so, the idea of living symptom-free can be a good motivator to help us accept other people’s humanness in exchange for better health and productivity.  This is a first step, of course.

The next step towards relieving yourself of resentment is to think about the person you are resenting and try to understand their motivation for their behavior. Understanding someone else’s perspective is key to humanizing them. While you don’t like what they did, perhaps you can understand that they are imperfect and dealing from their own difficulties and damage which likely have little or nothing to do with you. This is the beginning to seeing the person as a whole person, not just as the unwanted behavior.

Another step might be to ask yourself why this person’s behavior affects you so greatly.  How can you make the behavior matter less? What is it about you that makes you take in their behavior in so deeply?

Oh!  And have you ever tried talking directly to the person about it?  It’s surprising how much relief one can feel from having a good talk and it’s shocking how many resentments go undiscussed.

(The above quote has been attributed to many people, most notably Nelson Mandela, Carrie Fisher, and Malachy McCourt.)

SURPASSING EXPECTATIONS

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The mind determines what’s possible.
The heart surpasses it.
— Pilar Coolinta

Working through an emotionally-charged conversation is never easy.  But we learn that we can come to the conversation as a whole person, using not only our intelligence and our emotions, but also our heart.  Try keeping your heart open to new possibilities, listening for new information, and listening for things that do not already fit your preconceived idea of what someone thinks or feels.  This is extremely difficult and gets easier with practice.  When you notice yourself sliding into judgment, clear your mind and start over again.  We’re human.  Give yourself credit for trying and then try again.

BARN’S BURNT DOWN

<img src="moon.png" alt ="sliver moon in blue dusk sky">BARN’S BURNT DOWN.  NOW I CAN SEE THE MOON.
-Mizuta Masahide

Difficulty comes with other unforseen changes, usually some of them are silver linings, and often they surprise us.

Conflict works this way. Conflict isn’t something we look forward to, but there are many benefits that we otherwise wouldn’t know.

One of the best things about conflict is that we learn new things about someone (including ourselves) and, if we’re going to work through the conflict, it forces us to deepen our relationships. There are many, many potential benefits to conflict. That’s why we should WELCOME CONFLICT.

WELCOME, CONFLICT!

QUESTIONS ABOUT CONFLICT? IDEAS HERE!


DSC_6630Are you in a prickly situation?  Is this situation affecting your life? Your health? Your attention?

Write a description of your situation and a question about it in the “LEAVE A REPLY” area and receive a prompt response from Janet about ideas on how to best deal with your conflict. TRY IT!  WHY NOT?!

[Feel free to use an alias or “anonymous” – your email will allow you to receive a notification of response from me, but will not show anywhere.]

Got questions about conflict? ASK A MEDIATOR

Do you have questions about conflict in your life? At home? At work? In your neighborhood? At church? Yes, everyone has conflict. It is a natural part of being human.  You can ask Janet get ideas about how to deal with your difficulty or conflict.  Do you have questions about a difficult situation you are in?  Are you sad or angry about the horrible interactions you are having with a particular person?
Ask Janet – ASK A MEDIATOR!

 

First Idea, start a blog about conflict: WELCOME CONFLICT

Hello, thank you for checking out WELCOME CONFLICT, a blog to discuss and share ideas about conflict and conflict resolution. I look forward to posting ideas and inspirations about conflict and how to best deal with conflict and receiving feedback and ideas from you in return.  See you soon!

Got questions about conflict? ASK A MEDIATOR